Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Little Help Please

We like to think we are an adventurous family.  One of our favorite adventures is to the beach.  We do not get there nearly often enough, so when we were invited by our friends to Sea Island, we greedily accepted and packed up the family truckster.  We loaded bags and bikes, and our favorite- fishing gear.  We are that white trash family that has four rods sticking out of the sand trying to catch anything that happens to swim by.  On this particular trip, there were four families involved, of which we only knew our hosts.  Most of this group was of the sporting nature, playing more sports and knowing more statistics than most nerds do about chess.  Our family was an anomoly, so they were interested.

On the first morning we loaded up our gear and and had our rods set up in no time.  Kids were ambling around, finding shells, digging to China, and generally causing a ruckus.  When the first rod started to bend, it was most exciting for all who were present.  Their curiosity was peaked when we reeled in a small sting ray.

Fast forward- just about all we caught that weekend was stingrays.  They lost their luster after the first dozen.  After that, they got real boring until we reeled in one the size of a car tire.  Then we caught one more, and that is when the real excitement started.  It was me, three of my children, and one that belonged to someone else.  I was careless and the stingray zapped me.  I have had some painful experiences.  I have broken a few bones and been hit in the head with a water ski.  I even fell off the roof of a friend's shed and had a log land on me.   I have never been shot with a gun, but I would be willing to bet that if you shot me in the butt, it would not hurt as bad as being stung in the hand by a stingray.  It was terrible.

The only thing I could think of was that I needed to pee on my hand.  Well, in my hightened state of activity, I could not muster up what needed to be done.  My little girl Josie could only scream and cry when she saw the blood dripping out of my hand.  Funny thing is that's what I wanted to do.  I have to give my son tremendous credit for stepping up to the plate.  It is hard to pee on demand when you have one person crying, one person who wants to cry, and a crowd onlookers staring at us like we were insane.  It must have been akin to relieving oneself in front of a stadium.

All I can tell you is that peeing on a stingray wound is a myth and provides not more relief than the amount of time it takes to pee.  After that, all you have to show for yourself is a great deal of pain and the knowledge that someone else just peed on you, which actually makes the situation slightly worse.  About the only thing you can do for a stingray wound is to put the part of your body that got zapped in the hottest water you can possibly stand for an hour and a half.  After that, the pain subsides to the point where you do not feel like you are going to pass out. 

Needless to say, the other families that at first thought we were an anomoly, now thought we were completely insane, and they no longer had the confidence of entrusting their children to me on the beach without proper supervision.  I am not sure we will be invited back to our friend's house on Sea Island.

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